The Shadow

The Shadow

Fragile or just empty, its so hard to know

Not a friend nor a foe, it plays on like a shadow,

The heart feels heavy, the mind feels hollow

Whether the numbness is induced or acquired

Is this how being grown up has been wired

Childhood feels like the best dream seen

Where the fun with friends was real and clean

Unlike this virtual world made of social media

Where adding friends is the greatest idea

But none has a clue what friendships are made of

They aren’t switches to go on and off

2 am conversations no longer exist

Nor do long walks in the winter mist

Chats and groups and the constant chatter

Has killed all that really matters

Instant gratification is what gets them hooked             

Not realising this virtual world is a big crook             

How could all this be undone fast

Could I regain all the bonds- thick and fast

The way at 15, I went to sleep feeling full

Never was the ability to reach out so dull

The mind knew exactly how to refuel

And the heart was protected by all that was cruel

Unlike now where its kind of summing up to zero

Eyes don’t sparkle for any hero

All that is left is this constant question

Fragile or empty – need a definition

Tears dry up, the blank spaces remain

Is this why for being grown up, they train?

The Angel knocking on your door

I want you to remember one thing sweetie

As the years unfold and zoom ahead

And you start to prefer witty over pretty

A million questions will pop in the head

They’ll make you wonder if life is a test

Where power and influence make you score

And money makes you stand out from the rest

Where failure is looked down as an eyesore

Just trust me and cut out this noise

Buckle up your confidence and poise

Listen to that angel knocking on your door

Fly with it and let your faith soar

And before you start to ponder

And your mind makes you wander

Let me tell you a truth untold

This angel has no form no shape no mould

But yes sweetheart it does exist

Feels as gentle as the wintery mist

It is that pat from your father saying very good

And the change in your mother’s sulky mood

It is the twinkle in your grandparents’ eyes

When about you they hear all things nice

It is all the simple things we tend to forget

As we grow older, this angel we met

Disappears slowly into oblivion

Going far away from our horizon

So remember this forever my dear sweetie

While you start to prefer witty over pretty

Hold this angel tight and close

You’d need it like a daily dose!

The rat race

Oh I so want you to know
That which I have not been able to show
How I love that you and me
Together become a stronger we
I only wish for this bond to grow
How pure bliss would follow in tow
I know you really mean it
When you ask how my day was
Though you already know it
You patiently listen through my long pause

“Why?” you must wonder, does she over-think
As if the world is on the brink
I wish it was that simple to answer
To sum it all up and not wander
Frustrating is the daily grind
So much of a drag on the mind
So many questions filling me with doubt
Stop it now! Goes my loud shout
No I don’t feel lost and cold
Because I know I have your hand to hold

Hope and faith knock at the door
Nudge me to keep aspirations at the core
Somehow they get pushed to the rear
Let’s draw the start line afresh from here
Before the world writes me off for good
And tells me to do what I should
Now is the time to collect myself
And believe in the power of the shoemaker’s elf

That I can undo this worldly typecast
Make stereotypes a thing of the past
Together you and me at our own pace
Yes, we can make our own space
No more would we need to search for solace
All those self-doubts would finally erase
Oh yes, we would be out of this rat race!

To-do lists

The most obvious reason I could give to myself for not having written a word since long could be work.. yes, work's started, finally! But thats been the story for the past 3 weeks... Before that and even now, its about 'to-do' lists, they seem to be a bottomless pit!

Oh yeah, and did I mention my wedding date's fixed? That has compounded the bottomlessness of the pit.. ok, that was a bad one.. I'm dead tired as I write this, Its been an action packed week.. need to catch up on some sleep.. But before that, need to catch up with my own self.. I mean come on, this is not, this is not the way I would want things to move.. Some moments are so precious, I never wanna let them go...

Some moments in the day seem to be becoming a necessity,

Moments where I'm just quiet..

neither retrospecting nor expecting..

Moments when I'm only a child, moments of me n my one and half yr old nephew giggling, dancing, revising rhymes or calling out names..

Moments with nature.. The swirly beaches or the misty mountains...

Moments of reinforcement that wearing the student's hat will carry me through..

Moments of replaying the best memories..

Moments of music..

Moments of appreciating soulful lyrics, soothing voices..

Moments of being one with me :)

Moments where I don't think while I write :)

'To-do' lists are here to stay.... but God... please let these moments be!

The Biggest Truth

Karma.. Is such a powerful word, have read about it, heard about it so much but never quite understood the meaning until recently.. My granny has exemplified it this summer.. While I write this, she is here in this room, oblivious to the fact that her story is being narrated.. To put this in perspective, she is 88 years young, alive n kickin! Was diagnosed with the dreaded disease, but being the brave woman she is, the month of May is history now.. I wondered if this is not Karma then what else it could be, no no.. definitely not medical science alone..
In a lot of my interactions these days, I'm confused between answering back and expressing what I feel is right or leaving it to the power of Karma.. The choice of the latter one is tough but I'm trying, pushing myself to give up some staunch tendencies.. I don't know if this means not being "headstrong".. whatever it may, I think its a much better to lead one's life.. After all how else would my granny have lived such a calm and peaceful life.. I believe everything that you do gets counted in your karma, bad or good, and whatever goes around definitely comes around! I have umpteen examples to cite that but will leave it here..
Yes, its the biggest truth in the world... being true to oneself is all that matters.. for the rest, your Karma will take care!

For You

This is for you,
A ‘you’ who’s like the me I’ve wanted to be

Lets get rid of this clutter, where we bother to care
To care for things only material,
Where joy and greed seem to be a pair...
I was told anything in excess can be dire,
Then why is there so much logic,
Are the demons at some trick?
So much materialism, so much money..
Have started to hate this monotony!

Why is it that I feel such a yearning
All we long for is "a sense of belonging"?
Why is there lies, there is so much stress
You and I, together.. I want to fix this mess
This is not the you I’ve known
Not the one whom time has outgrown

Lets be birds and make a new tale
Come on, don’t you know
Its not 'you', its a new 'me' that I had loved
Yes I have to confess, I need that again
Lets take to the skies and become insane...

Deep down, I know I’ve chosen you
Because I want to be a child all new
Innocent, non-manipulative and fair,
A child who dreams to dare
Unlike the grown ups whose dreams are a show
And then they get caught in not letting go..
Life becomes purpose driven, mind loses sheen,
Why worry so much, lets let go!

Lets craft a world where we are birds,
Where our thoughts don wings...
Where we rise and fall....with equal ease
I know its you....who can make this possible
The material world CAN become feeble…
Beauty, fun and adventure will behold
As the child in me learns to unhold

Then there will be no 'me' who searches for a 'you'
All I would say is I love you…

On a serious note

Ok, finally give in.. have been at this since morning, my mind is juggling between attempting to make a report on “credit rating methodologies” and the temptation of making a new word doc for this post.. After 1 hr of struggle, the latter has won for obvious reasons :)
This one’s on a serious note.. on my inability to be how I used to be.. no, nothing drastic has happened but small lil things which I loved doing somehow don’t get done.. Yesterday I got the final bashing from my best friend and I’ve promised her to come up with why this is happening the next time we meet.. so till then, I have this thought all to myself… May be its plain boredom or laziness that has crept in..I had an action packed February, including some not so welcome things too.. And now I discover March has this lullness to it.. There are lectures to attend, there is a big project pending but somehow, somehow, things just don’t move.. Its getting v monotonous out here!
Have been planning to flood my blog with some blogposts.. Here are some things that could see light, through which I could a get of sense of doing those small lil things which should get done!

1. I have been wanting to write on my longing to my hometown, to feeling the evening breeze in my hair on my two-wheeler, to missing the talks with friends on the entrance gate of my house.. I can just go on and on about how nostalgic I’m getting today.. In Nagpur, I feel careless, I feel free.. .. I could go on and on about how much I owe to this place.. Was born and brought up here.. The culture, the food, the weather, the warmth of friendships, the ease of connectivity (fyi to reach any point in the city, it will take you a maximum of 25 min, thanx to the circular geography!).. I miss it all sooooooooo much.. it is quite sad that it was more than 2 years that I had deprived myself of this home coming..

2. I have been wanting to write on my exaggerated (read blown up) disappointment about the surprise party and a couple of more things which never happened!

3. I have been wanting to write on my fuss over food (its not funny.. I wanted to postpone tying the knot with him for this!)

But I don’t want to write very impulsively about these things because it might lead to auto-suggestion and then I have a fear that these feelings will choose not to leave.. Will leave it at that..